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Any new jokes?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Claymuncher, Jan 15, 2012.

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  1. Claymuncher

    Claymuncher Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2011
    Messages:
    837
    The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
    stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
    light by accelerating through the intersection.

    The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
    frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
    dropping her cell phone and makeup.

    As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked
    up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered
    her to exit her car with her hands up.

    He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
    photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

    After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the
    door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting
    officer was waiting with her personal effects..

    He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind
    your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front
    of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus
    Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow
    Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian
    fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."
     
  2. 2500 HD

    2500 HD Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2011
    Messages:
    693
    After a visit to a house of prostitution a man notices green lumps on his willy, so he goes to his doctor's office.

    "This is serious." says the doctor, looking at the man's willy. "You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?"

    "Yes" says the man, looking horrified.

    "Well," says the doctor, "You've got brothel sprouts."
     
  3. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    777
    What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better,smelled,better, spoke English,didn't claim benefits, had his own bike, and wanted to go home!
     
  4. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    777
    Sorry for not calling you on New Years. I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the crap out of this idiot at a party. In my defence...when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
     
  5. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2009
    Messages:
    3,885
    What's the difference between a tribe of Pigmies and the Girl's Track Team?

    .

    .

    .

    The Tribe of Pigmies is a band of cunning runts.
     
  6. 2500 HD

    2500 HD Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2011
    Messages:
    693
    POSSIBLY THE BEST BAR JOKE EVER!

    A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
    The robot says, "What will you have?"
    The guy says, "Martini."
    The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
    The guy says, "168."
    The robot then proceeds to talk about physics' space exploration and medical technology.

    The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar.
    The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
    The guy says, "Martini."
    Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
    The guy says, "100."
    The robot then starts to talk about Football, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

    The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar.
    The robot says, "What will you have?"
    The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
    The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
    The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
    The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
     
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