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Analysis of Newspapers

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Ahab, Jan 9, 2017.

  1. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Experts have found the following analysis of newspapers to be nearly 100% accurate:

    1. TheWall Street Journalis read by the people who run the country.

    2. TheWashington Postis read by people who think they run the country.

    3. TheNew York Timesis read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

    4.USA Todayis read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times.

    5.The Los Angeles Timesis read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

    6.The Boston Globeis read by people whose parents used to run the country.

    7.The New York Daily Newsis read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

    8.The New York Postis read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

    9.The Chicago Tribuneis read by people who are in prison, who used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents who are currently free on bail.

    10.The Miami Heraldis read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

    11.The San Francisco Chronicleis read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

    12.The National Enquireris read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
  2. TimT

    TimT Member

    Apr 15, 2009
    Melbourne, FL
    Number 10 (since I live in FL) seems accurate.
  3. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Near but not in chicago
    the 12 reasons I never learned to read!
    CharlieAMA thanked this.