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Americans Wtih No Abilities Act

Discussion in 'Politics, Elections & Legislation' started by Bertmuss, Sep 12, 2011.

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  1. Bertmuss

    Bertmuss Member

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    The US Senate is set to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA). President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk.

    The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. 'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing. We are legalizing another protected class of Americans.'

    In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. Employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

    Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of persons of inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

    'As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to his inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Cox added. With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.'
     
  2. Catpower

    Catpower Molon Labe TS Supporters

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    Sounds about right but they need to include all the pols in Washington, I think they are right at 100%, they have no ability at all
     
  3. GrubbyJack

    GrubbyJack Member

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    :)))))))))))))))

    TTT
     
  4. GW22

    GW22 Active Member

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    Some city in California just passed a law protecting UGLY people similarly to those with disabilities. As someone who's worked very hard to overcome my ugliness I resent those seeking a free pass, LOL.

    -Gary
     
  5. SirMissalott

    SirMissalott Active Member

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    OUTSTANDING!!
     
  6. daddiooo

    daddiooo TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    Heard today on the Neal Boortz show that if you feel that you were wrongfully passed over for a job that there are attorneys who will help you sue companies that didn't hire you.

    Great....just what the chronically unemployed need. Another excuse and a free attorney.

    This should fit right in with the Americans With No Abilities Act.
     
  7. capulona

    capulona TS Member

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    Funniest thread I've read all month - Thanks!

    Reminds me of this:

    http://news.yahoo.com/obese-man-sues-white-castle-launches-latest-frivolous-183400663.html

    COMMENTARY | Can a man be sued for stupidity? If so, Martin Kessman of New York should have a class action lawsuit against him. Kessman is suing the fast food chain White Castle because he's unable to squeeze his large body into their seats.
     
  8. Uncle Sam

    Uncle Sam Member

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    OMG!!!! Finally...I will be able to get work!!.......Uncle Sam, Pa.
     
  9. dverna

    dverna Active Member

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    As this represents a significant block of voters, ACORN is planning to register this often overlooked group of citizens. A spokesman announced, "By registering persons with no marketable skills two or three times, we hope their plight will be addressed in the next election. We have already received support from Auntie Obama and are excited about the possibilities."

    See link

    http://www.theblaze.com/stories/obama-aunt-in-new-vid-despite-living-off-govt-she-doesnt-owe-u-s-anything/
     
  10. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Heck, Shootlow, they had this back in the 50s and 60s.

    Don't you remember?

    People with abilities got to go to work at Deere's and everyone else went to work for Ma Bell! LOL LOL

    I went to work for Deere's.

    Where did you work at? LOL LOL

    Hauxfan!
     
  11. ctreay

    ctreay Member

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    I did quite a bit of work with Deere's until I graduated from school and joined the service.

    ctreay
     
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