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American Association of Retired People

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by OLD ONE EYE, Nov 18, 2011.

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    OLD ONE EYE Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Florida / Idaho
    From the American Association
    Of Retired People?

    Q:?Where can men over the ageof 60 find younger, sexywomen who are interestedin them? A:?Try a bookstore under fiction.

    Q:?What can a man do while hiswife is going throughmenopause? A:?Keep busy. If you're handy withtools, you can finish the basement.When you're done you'll have aplace to live.

    Q:?Someone has told me thatmenopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? A:?Yes. Matthew 14:92:"And Mary rode Joseph's assall the way to Egypt."

    Q:?How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plusyear old husband? A:?Tell him you're pregnant.

    Q:?How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A:?Take off your glasses.

    Q:?Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A:?Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

    Q:?Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? A:?Valets don't forget where they park your car.

    Q:?Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A:?Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

    Q:?As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A:?Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

    Q:?Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A:?On their foreheads.

    Q:?What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A:?"Gosh, I remember these
  2. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
    The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
    Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
    He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.

    Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"
    The cop says, "What are you doing?"
    The young man says, "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
    Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says, "And her, what is she doing?"
    The young man shrugs, "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
    Now the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

    The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"
    The young man says :"I'm 22, sir."
    The cop asks, "And her ... what's her age?"
    The young man looks at his watch and replies, "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes".
  3. John Thompson

    John Thompson TS Member

    Aug 22, 2007
    What is the best form of birth control for those over 60? :NUDITY!
  4. Jim R

    Jim R Ljutic Nut TS Supporters

    Jan 29, 1998
    Western Washington
    A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy... So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

    The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

    Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After one hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

    The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

    The senior reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
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