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A sincere apology from Singh

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Neil Winston, Oct 26, 2007.

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  1. Neil Winston

    Neil Winston Well-Known Member

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    To all at Trapshooters.com,

    As you all know, our firm here in Bangladore has long been providing an outsourced “cyber-persona” service for many, many of your most popular “posters” here on your discussion board.

    We have a documented penetration of nearly forty percent, and our presence is growing every month. Almost all our clients have been entirely happy with our work and have told us how much they appreciate the way have been keeping them “alive” here without the arduous and often maddening task of “putting thumb to keyboard.”

    It is in this context that I must now make a public apology. An apology which, I regret to say, stems directly from my own failures of managerial oversight.

    To understand the serious error I have made, you must know something of the Indian health-care system. As you all so well know, India itself is made up of 28 “states” as well as some territories, very much as your own country is but with different numbers, of course. Health systems are the responsibility of each state, so when we read here “The Hospital of the State of Uttar Pradesh,” for example, we think nothing more of it.

    You must also understand that we offer several levels of service to our clients, each at its own appropriate “price point.” At the very lowest, for which we use the acronym “UNTCHBL,” we found that we were not only losing a lot of money due to over-posting, but the restrictions put on us by the few clients who actually want this cut-rate service were causing problems in our human resources department as well. All the low-rent clients specifically request numbing repetition – “pounding into your brain like the drumbeat on a trireme” was the way one of them eloquently put it. Our own writers, in the end, couldn’t take the grind, and one actually returned to his former profession of putting Cheddite primers into their trays for sale and calls the switch “entirely refreshing.” We therefore were forced by internal and competitive pressures to seek some outsourcing of our own.

    And we thought we’d found a suitable service at an attractive price. We imagined a staff of night-nurses would be taking advantage of the quiet nighttime hours and sleeping patients to peck out a few mindless sentences at two AM over coffee for posting throughout the coming day and figured “What’s the difference?” I didn’t realize until I was doing a routine quality-control audit that the term “Kentucky State Hospital” carries with it meanings which were unrecognized by us here in Bangladore.

    And so I make this public apology to “lumper,” “prince_of_darkness,” and “Gargoyle” and promise to try to make up for the damage our oversight has done to their reputations. They will be getting an elevated level of service with production closely monitored right here “in house” at the same low price and I can assure them that in the capable hands of one of our “rehabilitation” specialists in just a couple of months everyone will have forgotten all about it.

    I hope these problems have not shaken the confidence our clients have invested in us over the years and trust that our frank admission of failure in these few cases will strengthen, not sully, our reputation for good work and “value for your rupee.”

    Your Most Obedient Servant,

    Singh
     
  2. Jerry944t

    Jerry944t Well-Known Member

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    Location:
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    Now that's clever!
     
  3. Neil Winston

    Neil Winston Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Oh yes, Mr. Literalist, I well remember the service you performed on our behalf during the "hambone" scare just a few years ago, and wish to thank you once again. It was particularly thoughtful of you to have arranged for the pelt to be fashioned into a sport coat for Mr. Buzzgun and he tells me he still puts it on every time he sits down at the keyboard. We shall surely keep you in mind should a similar problem arise in the future.

    I want also to thank you again for the gift of the liquid-filled mason jar you tell me is produced within "holler'n distance" of your own new home in Missouri. Since I am of course devout I was not able to enjoy any of it, but we gave some to our dog on his deity-day and I'm relieved to be able to report that not only is he again ambulatory, but my wife and I are now both quite sure he is beginning to recognize his surroundings. It was most kind of you think of us as you did. The veterinarian bills have been high, but he a good dog and my grandmother as well, of course.

    YMOS,

    Singh
     
  4. buzzgun

    buzzgun Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    577
    Singh,


    I see that all of Supershot's posts have been deleted, going all the way back to his birth on this forum.


    ...is this how you handle clients who don't pay their bills?


    (The Fuhrer-like efficiency with which you erased all traces of his existence is bracing, to say the least).


    Yours in fur-lined comfort,


    buzz
     
  5. Neil Winston

    Neil Winston Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear. Based on the post just above, now gone, I fear we may have forgotten to take back "Gordy" when we recovered the others.

    Singh
     
  6. Neil Winston

    Neil Winston Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Thank you, Mr. Gordy, and we will gladly accept a mid-grade blank in lieu of cash, just as we always have done for you.

    YMOS,

    Singh.
     
  7. buzzgun

    buzzgun Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
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    Tron,

    Hm, sounds like we have a rogue agent here. I suspect a "love triangle." We better call the Washington Post at once.
     
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