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A Little Humor

Discussion in 'For Sale- Members only' started by TRW369, Jul 28, 2011.

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  1. TRW369

    TRW369 TS Member

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    I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days."
    I told him, "I wish I had your frickin will power."


    Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck.....I appear in court next Monday.


    A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it eventually.'


    I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. She had on a pair of jeans that said, 'Guess.'
    I said, "I don't know........maybe 350 pounds."


    Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like that!"


    I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
     
  2. ffwildcat

    ffwildcat TS Member

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    An older couple are watching TV with the husband channel surfing between a fishing show and porn. Finally his wife barks at him, "for heavens sake, leave it on the porn, you already know how to fish".
     
  3. jbbor

    jbbor Active Member

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  4. Jacob Guthrie

    Jacob Guthrie Member

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    Mom comes home early one day and catches little Johnny in his room playing with himself, mom says "good heavens Johnny! what on earth are you doing?" He apologized but the next day mom catches him again, this time she says "every time you do that God kills a kitten." Johnny says "oh wow really?" She said "yes, little Johnny." Mom comes home the next day and guess what? Johnny is at it again. Mom says "Johnny this is it! I've had enough! Didn't I tell you what God does every time you do that?" Little Johnny turns around grabs his jar and says "I figured if I did it enough God would kill everyone of those S.OB.s"
     
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