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A few elderly jokes for a weekend laugh.

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Mar 5, 2010.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Joined:
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    Location:
    West Central Florida
    Risque: please don't read if you are easily offended.


    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car.Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. As they did the stoplight was red but they just went on through.

    The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through red light."

    After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.

    This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay close attention.

    At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it.

    She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!

    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shit..! Am I driving..?"

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    Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

    One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

    The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

    The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

    The second old lady replies, "I suck a Lifesaver."

    After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
    _____________________________________________________

    An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

    A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

    "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

    "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

    The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
    ___________________________________________________

    Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.

    The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

    The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

    The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
    ____________________________________________________
     
  2. SilverShooter

    SilverShooter TS Member

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  3. Urbans

    Urbans Member

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    Thank you.
     
  4. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    a doctor has his office near a college campus. one day his nurse says, doctor, you have a college student that needs a school physical. he tells her to take off her clothes and sees a big "M" ALMOST IMPRINTED ON HER CHEST. he ask her what is the M for? she said my boyfriend goes to the university of minnesota & he likes to make love to me in his letter sweater. the doctor says, oh, and finishes the physical.

    just before noon, the nurse comes into the doctor's office and says,doctor, you have another college student here that needs a physical. he tells her to take off her clothes and sees a big "M" ALMOST IMPRINTED ON HER CHEST. he ask her what is the M for? she said my boyfriend goes to the university of michigan & he likes to make love to me in his letter sweater. the doctor says, oh, and finishes the physical.

    the doctor is ready to leave for the day, the nurse says, Doctor, you have one last student here for a physical.he tells her to take off her clothes and sees a big "M" ALMOST IMPRINTED ON HER CHEST. he says i bet your boyfriend goes to the university of minnesota? she says no. he says i bet he goes to the university of michigan? she says no, he goes to WISCONSIN! STEVE BALISTRERI
     
  5. Frank C

    Frank C Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,866
    A group of 40 years old buddies discussed where they should meet for dinner.

    Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitress's there had low cut blouses and were very young.


    10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.


    10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.


    10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.


    10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
     
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