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$5.37 meal

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by George Steffes, Jan 18, 2011.

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  1. George Steffes

    George Steffes TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    149
    "$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter
    at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

    I turned to see who he was talking to and then
    heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.

    "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

    I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60
    yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

    Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

    "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

    I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

    I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.

    What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

    Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

    Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

    I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming
    to?"

    All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and
    drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

    Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

    I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

    He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does
    stuff like this all the time."

    All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

    As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

    The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
     
  2. Remstar311

    Remstar311 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2008
    Messages:
    942
    Sounds like you needed a beer after that.

    Great story.
     
  3. locdoc

    locdoc Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    Antrim, NH
    They're not necessarily "senior" moments, are they?

    Doug Whiton, P/W dealer/dist
     
  4. wolfram

    wolfram Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2007
    Messages:
    6,260
    Good one George, I like your style.
     
  5. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,055
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    Your Old Man Face It! and welcome to the club!
     
  6. Ljutic111

    Ljutic111 TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2008
    Messages:
    1,730
    Very funny and sad but true . May be happening to more of us as we age .
     
  7. schutzemgud

    schutzemgud TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    228
    Now that was a great story! I remember once..................?

    Damn I hate it when that happens.

    Mike
     
  8. Leo

    Leo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,047
    I really had to laugh at the part about being in the wrong car. I did that same thing. I stopped in a resturant in bad winter sleet after dark and had dinner. When I came out, my key didn't work. Thinking the lock was frozen I tried the other side.....it was "frozen" too. Out of frustration, I started shaking the key and the door handle. Then I saw toys in the back seat. My identical looking car was the next row over. I am glad I didn't do any damage to the other guys car.

    I could not blame that on being old, I was not 40 yet.
     
  9. W.P.T.

    W.P.T. TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    8,371
    Just think, someday that kid could become President ... Predident Elmo, has a nice ring to it ... WPT ... (YAC) ...
     
  10. slipping into darkness

    slipping into darkness TS Member

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    Mar 5, 2008
    Messages:
    403
    It took me 1/2 hr to read and a box of tissue!! "Priceless" slid.
     
  11. BDodd

    BDodd TS Member

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    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,594
    Reminds me of when I found the Corn Flakes in the refer and the milk in the closet and neither the bride nor I could honestly recall who did it.
     
  12. George Steffes

    George Steffes TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    149
    No just a bull sh========er
     
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